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Unfortunately, this isn't satire. Give the progressives an inch and they'll take a kilometer. 

Via Krugersdorp News: 

A British farmer who lives in Muldersdrift was arrested on charges of attempted murder after he fired shots with a paintball gun into the ground to warn a trespasser to leave his land.

The owner was driving on his premises on Friday, 6 July, when he found a man walking in at his gate and onto his property. He asked the man to leave because he was trespassing, but the man refused...

The owner got back into his car and waited for a minute or so to watch what the man was doing. He walked along Driefontein Road in the direction of a nearby lodge. The owner watched until he was about 300m away, then proceeded to his appointment.

However, when the owner looked back to the entrance of the property minutes later, the man had returned to his property and this time he had a stick with him. The owner drove back to the gate and stopped a distance from the man. The man walked up to the owner and threatened him with the stick.

The owner walked around his bakkie, took out his paintball gun and showed it to the man – pointing it at the ground. The man was now only approximately four metres away from the owner.

“Close enough. I felt he would lunge at me and strike me with the stick as he was carrying it in a raised position,” the owner said. “He ignored my demand, slowly moving forward. Consciously, I moved the paintball gun to the front, still maintaining its position pointing to the ground. Approximately one metre in front of me, I released two paintballs. They made a popping sound. Then the man stopped.”

The owner then called the police...

On Tuesday, 10 July, the owner was at the Muldersdrift Police Station when he was informed that the man accused of trespassing had opened a case of attempted murder against him and that he would be arrested. Police placed the owner under arrest and he was held behind bars for the night.

Both the owner and the man were set to appear in court today, 11 July for formal bail applications.

Read more here.